


Late Night with Lance McClain

by Meloly



Category: Saturday Night Live, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (TV) RPF, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Fluff, Humor, Keith is an actor, Lance is a comedian, M/M, Non-Chronological, Saturday Night Live crossover, Slice of Life, The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon crossover, Translation from Russian into English, UST, a LOT of references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-01-04 20:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18351176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meloly/pseuds/Meloly
Summary: AU where Keith is a popular actor, and Lance is a comic who's become the host of a late night show.The crossover with "Saturday Night Live" and "The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon".





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Сегодня вечером с Лэнсом МакКлейном](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17551010) by [Meloly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meloly/pseuds/Meloly). 



> Hello there, this is the translation of my own fic from Russian into English :)
> 
> I do think that my English is not that good so it would be very nice to get pieces of advice or even a beta reader for the next chapters. Please feel free to contact me if you want to help and maybe practice your knowledge of Russian a little bit ;) 
> 
> ___________________________________
> 
> 1) Generally speaking it's a very fluffy crossover with such shows as "Saturday Night Live" and "The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon", so the text contains quite a lot of references;  
> 2) There are two (or three) hidden references as well, whoever finds them is a clever cookie;  
> 3) Nevertheless there are probably a few factual mistakes in the text, so they lie at my door;  
> 4) There are two plot threads with different timelines - the present and the past, that's the way text is divided;  
> 5) It's been very funny and entertaining to write this fic :))
> 
> It's devoted to Miss Wyoming and all klance lovers at twitter ♥

“Ladies and gentlemen! For the first time in "Late night with Lance McClain", Keith Kogane!”

Keith enters the studio under terrific applause and cheers by fans among which surely the "I love you!" scream is heard, so that Lance can't help but grins. It is truly impossible not to love Keith now. He wears brand-new black suit, patent-leather proper shoes, white shirt and wine red neppy tie. Lance notices that during these five years of them not seeing each other Keith has remarkably grown up and became higher, and Lance stands up towards him with rehearsed smile and instantly increased heartbeat.

“I'm so glad to see you buddy!” Lance shakes his hand despite – okay, let's be honest – the desire to hug him, and Keith looks directly at him, his eyes are huge and dark. His palm is warm and dry, but either Lance is wrong, or their fingers are really shivering during the touch as though striken by electric discharge. 

“It's been five years, but it feels like we've met yesterday!”

“Yeah, you bet. Hi Lance”, Keith answers as always shortly, smiles with tips of his lips and seats in the chair by the side of the table, crossing his legs. It would have been an act of show-off earlier, but surely not now. Keith is the reliance, the earnest and, Lance has to admit it, the sexuality itself. No wonder the line in front of the studio was twice long today [1]. “Thanks for having me”. 

“After the triumphal premiere of the third “Voltron” movie we were dying to invite you on the show, Keith”, by returning to his chair Lance patiently waits till the applause end and secretly feasts his eyes on Keith. “Hey, it seems people do adore your movies! If I’m not mistaken – and yeah, I’m not, trust our scriptwriters, – you already have three “Emmies”, two “Golden Globes” and a few “Saturns”! You guys rock in your robots three years in a row!”

“Doing our best”, Keith nods embarrased with pleasure. “Sometimes I spend hours in my lion, and, well, it’s, to tell the truth, is mostly cardboard. It reminds me of how I used to seat in a big box for a TV-set when my parents were out”.

The audience breaks into laughter, and Lance sincerely laughs too. It’s nice to notice that Keiths catches the mood. He relaxes and smiles a little wider. The smile fits him damn well. It smoothes his traits, and Keith who’s actually thirty two years old looks like he’s twenty six. The age Lance has remembered him in.

“And you became pretty good at jokes, it strikes even me”, says Lance still giggling and Keith bends his eyebrow. “I remember that five years ago when you and I first met, you were very serious. I couldn’t believe you can be cracked up!”

“No, I was— Alright, I was serious. And I was sitting in the box for our Sony TV”. Keith shrugs his shoulders followed by a short ba-dum-tss by the regular band sitting near the stage. “I was only twenty six, and suddenly I was invited to the “Saturday Night Live” [2]... Anyone would have been nervous, isn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Lance’s show is based on “The Tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon”. Anyone can be among the audience, one of the options to get here is be in the line in front of the studio from which twenty people are chosen.
> 
> [2] Saturday Night Live (SNL) — a popular variety show in the USA featuring celebrities.


	2. Monday

On Monday Lance knows absolutely nothing about Keith. Well, besides the fact that he’s a novice actor playing in action movies who doesn’t have a clue about comedy, SNL episodes and television. Another genre, another sphere, it’s quite common among unexperienced stars. 

Unlike Keith, Lance’s been working for “Saturday Night Live” already for two years. In addition he watches old episodes with big legends like Will Ferrell [3], keeps writing down occasional jokes in the notepad and adores his job so much you can see glowing stars in his eyes while he speaks about it. And how can it be different? Lance was only at the audition when he realised that now it wouldn’t be enough for him to perform simple stand-ups in small clubs. He makes the especially succesful impression of captain Kirk [4] in front of the silent public, and after an unintentional laugh of main scriptwriter Allura Altey [5] he falls into the euphoria which still flushes him. Is he lucky? Oh, definetely yes.

So on Monday Lance comes to the studio as usual happy, noisy and ready to start preparing the new episode. Keith is not here yet, and after grabbing the cup of hot chocklate from the slot machine Lance goes straight to Pidge intently flipping through a thick folder.

“Aloha Pidge”, says Lance joyfully plonking onto a chair at her side. Pidge looks at him with an unfavorable eye. “Why so gloomy? Is it Monday grumps?”

“More like McClain’s, you settled your ass right on my prints”, she pulls out of Lance the pack of papers he didn’t notice. These are all scripts. “I’m— Aaah, I just don’t know what to expect from Keith, that’s all. Judging by his interviews, he’s completely unable to have fun and chill, the stone idol, and you do know that’s a huge problem”. 

Lance intelligently nods sipping his chocklate. They already had a few hosts who made the episodes not that bad, but extremely boring and, as Lance says, not at all viral. Such hosts just were not able to inflame the audience, to make good impressions, they looked awkward and foolish because of their seriousness and tensity, although they were A-list celebrities. After all, not everyone is created for comic shows, take for instance Charles Barkley trying to play on one stage with Kristen Wiig [6]. Deep in his bones Lance does pity them.

“Of course we picked the sketches he wouldn’t speak and jokes much in, but who knows how he’s gonna look”, Pidge checks the papers, glues colorful stikers on some pages, reads carefully the lines. “I don’t understand whose idea it was to invite him—”

“Shiro couldn’t but invite him, you know”, Lance shrugs his shoulders. “Keith is a huge star now, yesterday I’ve seen his enourmous pic on the advertizing poster. I won’t be surpised if his fans bring down our studio on Saturday. He is… Hella hot? Well, I mean—”

“Have you seen at least one of his movies?”

“Nope, and you?”

“I wanted to, but still not”, Pidge pushes her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, breathes in, and Lance breathes out in relief that she deflected his phrase about hot Keith, which he absolutely hadn’t intended to say. “Hope he’s not a downer. And Lance, by the way, we’ve decided you’re gonna be in a half of sketches minimum, so get ready. A lot of work awaits”.

“I’m always ready, actually”, Lance snorts and doesn’t lie. The whole actor crew is starting to gather around along with scriptwriters, the meeting hall is gradually fills with talks. Lance throws the empty cup in a trash box. “Hey, I forgot to tell you a story. So it’s morning, I’m going here and suddenly see a peeing pug on a corner…”

“Oh, and here is Keith”, Pidge stands up, almost dropping her folder, and Lance shifts his gaze to the doorway. 

Live Keith is more beautiful than on the advertizing poster. He’s not a model, Lance isn’t going to flatter him, but he attracts and with his bearing, and flowing motions, and pale skin, and black eyes. Damn, Lance will surely download one of his movies today, buy his favorite caramel popcorn and turns off his phone for a while. Perhaps, he’ll visit the bathroom afterwards. Probably he’ll spend hours scrolling google images. Meanwhile Keith shakes hands with Shiro approached to him, quietly speaks with him about something and sits down next to him on the other side of a long table, folding arms in front of his chest.

Apparently Keith doesn’t feel very comfortable, and Lance immediately decides to keep an eye on him the whole week though nobody asked him for it. 

The Monday meeting is all about introducing the host to the actors and discussing of approximate ideas issued by scriptwriters. Keith doesn’t speak much, however he listens with attention and sometimes asks questions. “Should I read only from cues?” “Do I need a wig for each sketch?” “What if I laugh?” Lance likes it, because he himself don’t shut up even for a minute, and inspiration goes full swing out of him. He wants to make jokes about robots, and about Netflix, and about Twilights, because Keith kinda looks like a vampire, and even about italian mafia, for the sake of which he is ready to learn in a week how to transform into Vinni Vedecci [7].

Among this creative storm filled with references, characters and litres of coffee, Keith little by little starts to resemble a lost kitten. He becomes silent, drums the table with fingers and frowns. Catching the moment while a group of scriptwriters feverishly distinguish the key sketches, Lance slips to Keith on a chair and extends his hand.

“Lance McClain”, he presents himself trying not to add his typical flirt notes. “I’m one of the lead comedians here, so it’s gonna be a pleasure for me, mm, to work with you”.

“Keith”, Keith answers shaking gently his palm. “And I’ve heard of you”.

Lance freezes and stares at him. Keith Kogane? The young actor of romances and action movies gaining popularity so fast? Has heard of him? And Lance is suddenly striked by the thought that they are basically of the same age. Maybe they were going to the same school or something like that, because the world, especially in american realias, is dreadfully small. 

“I’ve also seen your sketch about the leather man recently [8], and I liked it a lot”, Keith gingerly smiles. “Though I can’t stand the sound of leather now”.

For a few seconds Lance is totally out of any words except for "Oh Jesus Christ", because that's exactly the sketch he doesn't like much, but then he brightens up. The Keith's raiting at his own imaginary scale of respects jumps on fifty points.

"Wanna have a coffee with me?" he rattles off without thinking and Keith looks closely at the whole bunch of empty Starbucks cups on the table. The Keith's cup is right in front of him with a painted heart beside his name.

"I don't mind", he says nevertheless, and Lance feels like he's playing in an absurd, but pretty cute situation comedy. 

Within half and hour they are sitting in a cozy burger joint not far from the studio. The first option has been easily rejected by both of them because, according to Keith, his agent won't forgive him a third cup of coffee per day.

"What's he like?" Lance asks while they're waiting for an order sitting face to face in a quiet nook where no one pays attention to Keith. "He counts all your calories and signs you up for auditions?"

"First of all, my agent is she", Keith clarifies nicely.

"Damn! That's the moment when I hate English so much! Spanish is way more comprehensible".

"Secondly, she's not that severe", Keith lays back on his soft armchair. "She just cares about my health I'm not thinking about until the last moment. Sometimes I don't notice I caught a cold. Or that I'm having a bruise on my leg from shank up to heel".

"Once I was hanging out the whole week with my arm broken", Lance knowingly twists his right wrist. "I thought it was just an injury but then Shiro sent me to a traumatic surgeon by force and then I've been wearing a gypsum for a couple of months".

"And kept shooting?" there are shadows of esteem in Keith's voice. 

"Sure! I would have died from boredom being home that long", Lance smiles to a waitress and expectingly pulls on black gloves looking at the glorious burger framed by fries. "On our channel you can find some sketches of that time. In one of them my another arm is in gypsym too [9]. We barely kept poker faces, even Hunk, and Hunk never laughs. I mean I'm tough as hell but no one can crack up Hunk. Pity his contract is already ended". 

"It's not allowed to laugh during the show, isn't it?" Keith doesn't hurry and just warms his palms with a cup of tea. "How crucial is that?"

"It's actually not crucial at all. Only spooky stories for naive beginners like you", Lance tenderly grabs the burger holding it with thumbs and little fingers below and pressing with other fingers from above. "The main goals are not to laugh very loud, not cry and keep reading from a cue card. Really, check some Stefon sketches on your free time and see for yourself. The guy just deals in shaking with laughter [10]", and he bites the bun with wide opened mouth.

"I'm not afraid", Keith sends the slice of fries in his mouth. "It's not easy to crack me up, so it's alright".

"No'sy to 'ack yup?" Lance hardly chews a definetely too huge piece, hardly swallows it and winks. "Not easy to crack you up, hah? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, one hundred percent", Keith nods. Lance remembers Pidge's words about him being unable to relax and have fun. "If you take a look at my childhood photos, I don't smile anywhere".

"But you smiled today!" Lance exclaims squeezing his burger so that its filler started to fall out. "I've seen it!"

"If you get in the movie world, you'll learn not only how to smile, but to cry as well", Keith nattily cuts his burger into four parts with a knife. Lance sees it as an art insult, but Keith doesn't pay attention to him and happily eats one of them. "Isn't it?"

"Yeah, but... But..." Lance narrows his eyes. A short thought instantaneously turns into the glorious idea which, he's not lying to himself, involves a personal motive. "Bet I'll make you laugh during the Saturday show? During at least one sketch?"

There are no emotions of Keith's chewing face in return, just the indifference, and Lance suddenly feels the fiery passion, the itch to hear and see how Keith laughs. How he shakes and bends holding his stomach, hides the wide and genuine smile behind his palm or, in opposite, demonstrates it bravely to the whole world. Better if he shows it to Lance exclusevely.

Can Keith laugh? For real?

While Lance is looking at him and thinking, weighing up pros and cons, Keith lowers down a piece of burger at the craft paper, bends over and catches Lance's eyes. 

"Deal", he says finally and licks his lips. "And I'll try to make you laugh in return".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [3] Will Ferrell — a popular american comedian casted at SNL from 1995 to 2002.  
> [4] James Tiberius Kirk — a "Star Trek" character  
> [5] The Allura's last name is the reference to Tina Fey — the main SNL scriptwriter from 1999 to 2006.  
> [6] Lance remembers the sketch "Shana: Ski Retreat" featuring the professional basketball player Charles Barkley and comedian Kristen Wiig casted at SNL from 2005 to 2012.  
> [7] Vinni Vedecci — a famous SNL character played by Bill Hader.  
> [8] Keith talks about SNL sketch "The Leather Man" starring Jimmy Fallon.  
> [9] Lance means something like SNL sketch "Steakhouse" (2014).  
> [10] Stefon — a famous SNL character played by Bill Hader in the "Weekend Update" with Seth Meyers.


	3. 2.

"I've tried to calm you down and don't remember what we eventually bet for", Lance rubs his chin. "I mean we made a deal, but then what? Each contention has a goal, and the winner is ought to get something".

"Mmm I do remember something", Keiths ups his eyes to the ceiling. A wireman sitting there just in case is probably waving him right now. "Yeah. I said that if I win and you're not succeed in making me laugh, in the next episode you would say "but um" three times minimally in each sketch". [11]

"But um", right", Lance unwillingly smiles under encouraging cheers and whistles of the viewers. "And I said it would be against the rules anyway. I mean you were there, all our words are written on the cue cards, how could I add "but um" to them?"

"It seems you forgot what shoud I do in case of losing", Keith holds the pause tedious for everyone. "You forgot, am I right?"

"Oh come on, how could I?" Lance coughs solemnly, straightens his tie and narrows his eyes just like then. The band plays drumbeat as if they colluded. "If I win, Keith, you'd wear a yellow chicken costume, go in it to the supermarket, buy a pack of eggs and pose with it to paparazzi". 

The audience is literally blows in laughter, and the giggling band plays another easy melody to appease them. Keith at the same time shivers, pushing his wrist to his mouth, and Lance is quite satisfied with himself, although the only thing he wanted to get in the end of this deal is the true Keith's laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [11] The reference to Robin Scherbatsky, a character from the TV-show "How I met your mother".


	4. Tuesday

On Tuesday when scripriters work hard with sketches while actors, thanks God, rest and gain powers, Lance devotes himself to watching and learning of everything related to Keith. Here goes the Wiki page with little information and kinda weird sources; a heap of Youtube interviews including those with terrible quality; the records of ceremonies like "Emmy" on which Keith hasn't won anything yet; the articles in "The New York Times". After extensive review Lance realizes that Keith told him the truth. He doesn't smile much, gives short and simple answers as if someone's going to judge him for any extra details. Due to this media calls him mysterious and charming, and journalists offer rewards for even a small snatch of his private life. 

Private life. Lance finds nothing about whether Keiths dates someone or dated someone earlier, and stays pleased. Keith is either so good at hiding himself or, and it's more likely, is not interested in anyone yet.

And, surely, Lance watches Keith's movies getting comfy in the nest on his couch made with throw blanket, pillows and enourmous plate of popcorne. He doesn't like them much though. Lance predicts the plot from the first minutes without reading summaries, these movies are mostly typical american moviegums, but Keith, and Lance somehow enjoys it, looks amazing among other actors. He's so perfect that Lance rewatches separate scenes and periodically pauses in order to get a closer look at Keith.

Keith with his mullet designed not for everyone is really damn beautiful. Keith is hella hot, yesterday Lance said it to Pidge not without reasons plus he doesn't have this hollywood artificiality, this fake gloss. Well, at least yet. Perhaps that's because of his age and lack of experience, or maybe because he moved to New York from Michigan just two years ago. Lance grins when one daily tells him that Keith was born in Lansing. 

"Someone, let's not put our fingers at him, has a serious crush on this guy", Hunk drops the dodecahedral cube and it nearly falls on the carpet. "I mean for the half of an hour we're sitting there, you've said name "Keith" about thirty times". 

"If not fifty", Romelle nods doubling in her legs. "Hunk, sweetheart, you moved your chip on the wrong field". 

"Oh, thanks".

"Come on, I'm not having a crush on him", Lance drinks half the cup of cherry ale Hunk and Romelle brought to his place along with pizza, new board game and teasing. "I should know who's gonna be with me on the stage on Saturday. Besides, he knows nothing about comedy! Nothing about making public laugh! Nothing..."

"Nothing about resisting your charm, yeah, Lance, we got it", Hunk smiles. It's impossible to hide something from him, and for the two years of their friendship, one of which they spend together on the set, Lance memorised this lesson perfectly. "But please agree that you didn't learn so much even about Andy half a year ago".

"Cause I already knew everything about Andy!" Lance denies fiercely. "How can you not know about Andy when you're working for SNL?" [12]

"He’s won", Romelle notices. "You should've remembered someone else, Andy is too easy". 

Hunk raises his palms.

"I'm just gonna wait till Sunday wneh you'll wake up in tears and start eating the ice-cream right from the box", he answers peacefully moving the painted knight figure on the game field. "And then I'll realise I was right. Romelle, do you have the cube?"

"And what if they'll make it?" Romelle drops the cube, makes a move and breaks off a piece of Vienna wafle with multi-coloured jelly. "Our Lance has small chances, I mean we're speaking about super cool Keith, but what if wow twist happens? Will you invite us to your wedding, Lance?"

"Argh, I don't like him this way!" Lance grabs his head and it totally gives him away because Keith's life exploring took him the whole day. "Stop it, stop it, stop it! You'd better tell me how to make him laugh! He's kinda jokeproof!"

"No, nope, Lance, nope", Hunk stops Romelle with a gesture. "You made your bed yourself, so now lie in it. Romelle, don't even think about giving him advice". 

"I've just wanted to say that Lance has a booger in his nose", Romelle shrugs her shoulders, and Lance runs to the bathroom red as a lobster. "What?"

Hunk's laugh is echoing in the apartment. No wonder one of his crazy fans made a Youtube compilation with Hunk's unusual laugh which makes everyone around laugh too. Romelle is shaking near him as a live witness.

"You can laugh as long as you want, love birds, but I will make him laugh", Lance comes back in a few seconds with face glowing after water and wet hairs as if he put all his head under the tap. "I don't know how, however I'll die but do it. He's not the first one uncrackable". 

"Don't crack yourself please", gives a piece of advice Hunk and Lance bears these words in his memory, because he begins unknowingly smiling the second Keith appears in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [12] Hunk and Lance mean Andy Samberg casted in SNL from 2005 to 2012.


	5. 3.

It's actually unbearable to look at Keith sitting at the table in front of him only in few inches, because he's dazzling, but Lance doesn't have a choice. "The Box of Lies" is one of the most popular games of his show, and if he refuses to play it with Keith Kogane, the audience will just never forgive him.

"The rules are simple", says Lance, inly praising his strength and pretending calmness. "Here", he points at the shelve stand nearby the table with a trained gesture, "the boxes are lying, each of them contains a thing".

"Any thing?" specifies Keith impatiently and curiously looks around all ten numered boxes. In a small cardboad frame standing between him and Lance he looks like an alive photography.

"Any. No one including me knows what's in them. Your goal is to name me the object, and I should guess whether you tell a truth or a lie. And then we switch positions". 

The Keith's eyebrows almost invisibly, just a little bit go up, and Lance feels the heat on his cheek after his last phrase. Why did he say it that way? Was it impossible to find other words? Fortunately, there is so much concealer on his face diligently hiding his freckles, that nobody notices.

"I can be first if you want, so that you will have to guess if I tell a truth or a lie", suggests Lance, and Keith, which is quite surprising, agrees, holds hands on his chest in a familiar way. "Okie-dokie! What box should I choose?"

The audience starts yelling the numbers excitedly, and Lance playfully stops his choice on the seventh box. It's light by touch, but Lance moves it to the table as if its weight is at least two pounds. After he seats and opens it the way Keith doesn't have a chance to keek, Lance sees the iron figurine of the Eiffel Tower in ornamental cuttings. Lance smirks and looks at Keith standing still in expectation. 

"So what's in it?" asks Keith under audience whistles. "Come on, Lance, tell me what's in the box". 

"Oh it's something really cool here", answers Lance with intrigue, trying not to smile stupidly because of the saucy way Keith pronounced his name. "But I won't torture you since you're a new boy. It's a red bowling ball. Smooth, well rounded... It's quite nice to finger it and its holes, you know". 

There's an intimate "oohhhh" sound in the studio, and Keith purses his lips. Lance is ready to fight for the fact that he's all flushed under his layer of supreme white consealer as well, and he's happy as a clam.

"You're lying", says Keith confidently after a pause, and Lance palms the table with fake annoyance.

"Beginner's luck!" exclaims Lance and demonstraits the figurine. "I've really tried not to betray myself! Look how cool the Eiffel Tower is. I've always dreamt about travelling to Paris and kissing on the top of it. Do you have a dream like that?"

"You should've seen the way you lifted the box... The "Oscar" just screamed for you, trust me", smirks Keith. He stands up and starts choosing a box for himself giving credence to viewers' yells. "Besides, the bowling ball is too huge for the box. And, for you to know, you should be in a line at early morning to get on the Eiffel top for kisses. It's not like I've been there, but I know".

"Didn't you think it was a mini bowling ball?" Lance forces himself not to continue the kisses topic. 

"One-zero, Lance. Suck it up and accept me the way I am", Keith kindly – on purpose or not – treats the Lance's ears and sits on his chair with the third box. He checks it attentively, opens gently, smiles and shows something to the audience. Lance looks at him jiggeting. "Oh". 

"I'm all ready for your phenomenal lie, honey", Lance pushes himself closer to the table keeping an eye on Keith. "Shoot".

"It's a burger wrapped in the polyethylene", Keith looks directly into his eyes, and Lance hears his own heartbeat. The whispers and laughs of audience come to him as like they are far away. The only thing he wants to do now is not to stare, not to dive into these dark pits like he used to, but he can't help himself. They recklessly flirt with each other and can't stop. "I guess it's not fresh and like five years old. Even with a check. Not bitten". 

"Does it have salad leaves falling out?" Lance insanely wants to extend his hand and touch Keith through the frame. "A little tomato? A small pickle? Anything?" 

"Ye– No", hesitates Keith, shifts his darken gaze, and Lance victoriously smiles. The relief allows him to distract from worries.

"You're telling the truth!"

"Yep", Keith shows him a transparent plastic. There is indeed an appetite small burger in it, similar to the ones they eated the day they met. "I would eat it".

"I don't advice, I mean who knows how much time it was in there?" Lance puts a serious expression on his face and takes off the next box under number one. "This time you'll lose". 

"Try me", answers Keith, and Lance's ears are burning again. He swallows, looks inside the box and sees a knife probably made from plastic and bought in a toys store. Knife is at is. Long. Not very wide. There is a red lion face carved on the black handle. "So?"

"Mmm let me think about how to tell you the truth. Or a saucy lie", Lance puts the knife aside and stares at Keith again. Usually his guests can't handle this look and snicker, but it's not working on Keith. Lance even make faces puffing up nostrils, and nothing. Keith only squints a bit. "Hell, it's so funny playing with you".

"I'm glad to hear it", sniffs Keith.

"I'm looking at a blade weapon. Not real of course, it's forbidden to show such stuff on american television, but it bends and... Well, I think it's suitable for various role plays".

"Role plays?" Keith smiles for some reasons. "For children?"

"I would play with you now as well", Lance curves his eyebrows and finally strikes a bingo. Keith starts looking at the floor, his lips shake and the audience giggles. "Naughty boy, that's just a knife. It has a lion face on it, but not the MGM type [14]. It's much more simple, just like on a kid's drawing".

"You're telling the truth", says Keith bravely without even a minute of thinking. "You just know about my cold weapon adoration and make use of it. It's flattering Lance, really flattering".

"Ha!" Lance pulls the knife out of its sheath and directs it towards Keith, stabs the invisible air glass in the frame between them. "By the way, the next round can be the last. One of us can win, and another one lose. Are you ready?"

"I'm always ready", Keith is lingeringly choosing the box using gestures to get pieces of advice by audience. Such specific communication is new for him, but then he takes off the eighth box and opens it. He looks lingeringly inside biting his lip. "Curious. And who compiles the boxes?"

"Do you think I'm gonna just go for it and give you the names of our creative group members?" Lance bends his eyebrow. "It's actually Larry, Freddy and Vic, please take credits to them!"

"Oh yeeeeah" says Keith under the public applause for script writers. "I will definetely find them after the show and personally thank them". 

Lance blinks. Keith doesn't look at his box already, he holds hands on the table and slightly bends forward staring at Lance.

"What's in the box?" Lance asks. He puts his hands on the table too, completely mirrors Keith in his moves, and the distance between them becomes not so big. 

If Lance leans over the table right now, he will be able to kiss Keith. To touch his lips, to find out how soft they are or, on the opposite, how dry and is there any colorless balm on them or not. Five years ago Keith used the strawberry one. 

"So what's in the box, Keith?" whispers Lance 'cause his throat dries. 

"A condom, Lance", answers Keith seriously, and Lance freezes. "Banana taste. Wrapped. Maybe it's ribbed, I haven't read. Come to think of it, the wrapping is easy to tear up..."

Keith is so calm talking about this stuff, that Lance goes crazy. Keith has crossed all the lines, Keith has made him remember what it's like lying under him and tear up the silver paper with teeth. Lance can swear that the whole audience feels not just sparkles, but the fire between him and Keith, and he bites the lip sealing the hysterical laugh. Lance smiles to the public, giggles in his palm.

He's also silently praying for his boner to stay unnoticed.

"What?" he asks, choking, and Keith nods. "A condom?" 

Keith obviously lies, it can't be a condom, that's the stuff they simply can't put in the boxes because of various regulations and code of conduct, but Lance can't stay with him anymore, so he goes:

"Strike me dead if it's a lie!"

The audience bursts in jeers, and Keith smiles in his triumph. A second later Lance sees at Keith's palm a pocket calendar with Milky Way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [13] "Box of lies" - one of "The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon" games.  
> [14] Lance means "Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer".


End file.
